Five one-screen pitches for native ads that send her to the live hip page. Pitches only: no brief is written until Michael says yes. Made 10 November 2026.
Hip pain and cortisone shots, for a woman of 60+ who watched her mother go down the same road. We sell the balm through Dr. Anderson's article.
The donor opens: "My father took MiraLAX every morning for twelve years. He died at 63... I sat in the same kind of exam chair, and a doctor reached for the same prescription." Someone followed the doctor's routine fix for years and it ended in something that cannot be undone. A real woman, 72: "According to 3 different orthopedic surgeons and a sports medicine specialist cortisone was a contributing cause."
Weak spot: The donor's father dies. Our page has no death, only "can tear, then surgery". Weaker ending than the donor.
CONDITIONAL-LOCK · viral 7 · beats the hip field 8 · converts 6 · lock 7
Accepted: 12 years of shots is not believable (shots are capped at three a year), so it becomes a twelve-year slide the shots started; the mother ends in a hip operation on a joint that was never the problem; her own night pain in the first 8 lines; her doctor says the exact sentence her mother heard. Open, Michael's call: does she use the balm in the ad, and does the reader get the press test.
Hip pain and the hip replacement talk, for a woman of 66 told it is arthritis.
The donor sells a money silence: the clinic stayed quiet because nobody earns from telling you. Our page has the surgeon's own line: "You cost me a hip replacement, Jennifer."
Weak spot: Diane is a character from our own page. The last Argon read on its old brief said "update".
CONDITIONAL-LOCK · viral 6.5 · beats the hip field 7.5 · converts 5 (8.5 with the fix) · lock 7
Argon: take the balm and the $23.40 price OUT of the ad and end on the surgeon's elevator line, so she has to click; tell it from one of Linda's pickleball friends so Diane is fresh proof on the page, not a rerun; open with real night dread. Not accepted as written: the 4am kitchen and guest room are Linda's on the page.
Hip pain is not your age, for a woman of 65 her family wrote off.
The donor: "You don't do anything anymore, Pat. You can watch them." She proves them wrong on a trip, in front of the family. Our page says: "It wasn't her age."
Weak spot: Nobody has seen its picture. It lands on a store, not an article.
CONDITIONAL-LOCK · viral 8.5 · beats the hip field 8.5 · converts 6 · lock 7.5 (highest of the five)
Argon: the friend gives her the doctor's 30-second hip test and the article, not a jar; do not give away the cause and ingredients in the ad. Not accepted as written: the two-mile trail with poles and Colorado belong to Peggy and Linda on the page.
Hip pain and cortisone, for a woman whose shots wear off in weeks. Short ad, about 180 words.
Our own best-selling shape: "I was taking Furosemide every morning. By night, my legs were swollen again." The fix she is on, and the clock on it.
Weak spot: This shape was moved to the knee page once and never got a fair read (the account died).
CONDITIONAL-LOCK · viral 5.5 · beats the hip field 6 · converts 5 · lock 6.5 (lowest of the five)
Argon: the key line becomes "It never heals the tendon" plus "this tendon sits just under the skin, so a balm reaches it"; bring back the donor's misery lines; widen the hook to women who can't sleep on that side. All page-backed: accepted.
Hip pain and the wrong labels, for a woman of 62 sent from doctor to doctor. About 650 words.
"I'm 54 and saw three 'specialists'... and all three gave me different diagnoses." It ends on "read this doctor's short article", which is our funnel.
Weak spot: The fourth doctor is made up. On our page she only meets Dr. Anderson through the article.
CONDITIONAL-LOCK · viral 7 · beats the hip field 6 · converts 7 · lock 7.5
Argon: the fourth specialist becomes a physical therapist who does the one-finger test and hands her the doctor's article; name what each wrong fix did; do not say the answer is a balm. Accepted, except the therapist is story glue the page does not have.